Another Little White Lie
by starryeyed68
Summary: A look inside Tommy's conflicted mind. How does he really feel about Jude and about Sadie? Takes place after Should I Stay Or Should I Go


Another Little White Lie

Author's note: Ok, I guess this is my official passport into the land of the one- shot... I actually wrote this a while ago, but something about it didn't seem quite "write" (bad pun, there!). After reading "Verse & Counterpoint" by Supposed Rockstar, I was tempted to try a "musical" fanfic. And since IS already has the perfect song, how could I resist... I did make the teensiest changes to the lyrics to make it more appropriate.

So special thanks to Supposed Rockstar for inspiring me. I hope you don't mind my "borrowing" your concept. I would have asked you first, but I can't figure out how to email people here... If you do mind, I'm really sorry (especially since you've been sooo complimentary about my other story)! The idea just kept plaguing me and wouldn't die till I wrote this... For what it's worth, I still like yours better!

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering... this does not mean I've abandoned my other opus. "Instant Star- Rise of..." is my baby and I'm cheerfully raising Chapter 3! This one was just to satisfy my need to explore Tommy's extremely confused head after "Should I Stay Or Should I go?".

Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or it's music... I wish!

Another Little White Lie

The gorgeous, extremely sexy man poured expensive liquor into a cut-crystal shot glass, as he prowled in his showy penthouse apartment. Only one small light burned; he relished darkness. The room was cold; the only warmth and life coming from the stereo. Music played constantly during his waking hours. As a teenage pop star- turned producer, he felt obligated to keep up with what the public demanded. Not that he enjoyed much of it. Most of it was drivel and hurt his ears. But the song coming on now affected him completely differently...

_I drift away to a place_

_Another kind of life_

_Take away the pain_

_I create my paradise..._

Unwillingly, he surrendered himself to images of her. Her soft, clear blue eyes and long auburn hair. The way she listened and always understood him. The silkiness of her skin, the magic in her lips... The fire that raged in his blood every time they touched...

He took a large swig from his glass, violently forcing those images from his head.

_Everything I've held_

_Has hit the wall..._

No. They couldn't happen. She was too dangerous. Not just because of her age, although he tried to pretend things were that simple. He simply couldn't contain his emotions around her. Control himself around her. And that just scared him too much...

_What used to be yours_

_Isn't yours at all..._

Reaching a decision, he would abide by his choice.

_Falling apart and all that I'm asking_

_Is it a crime, am I overreacting?_

He would meet Sadie in Italy as planned.

_Under my skin_

_Just give me something to get rid of it_

_I've got a reason now to bury this alive..._

He would not see or talk to Jude, probably for months. Time and distance would surely weaken his all too-potent attraction.

_Another little white lie..._

He refilled his glass, as the song played its' second verse.

_So what you had didn't fit._

_Among the pretty things_

_Never fear, never fear_

_I now know where you've been..._

Sadie. Now her, he could be with openly. Think about without shame, with lust full and unbridled. That girl was seriously hot! Definitely his type; he had always gone for girls like her before. Beautiful, blonde, fun and sexy as hell... She might be a bitch to Jude, but she was sweet as sugar to him. She showed him a good time, and didn't demand much thought or emotion from him. Just what he always wanted. Or at least, what he was supposed to want...

_Braids have been untied_

_As ribbons fall away..._

It was just too damm hard to believe sometimes that Jude was only sixteen. She sure didn't act like any teenager, or even any woman he had ever known. Too perceptive. Too aware. Her voracious eyes penetrated too deeply into his psyche...

_Leave the consequence_

_But my tears you'll taste..._

What had happened between them that one night was entirely his fault. He had lost control and let things get that far. He hurt her, he knew that. Given her the wrong impression. Given her hope when none could exist. Although he tried to shrug it off, guilt kept gnawing at him...

_Falling apart and all that I question_

_Is this a dream, or is this my lesson..._

His penance. She would probably hate him now that he chose her sister. Another wedge he shoved between them. But what else could he do? How else could they untangle themselves from each other? Could they even do it at all without self-destructing? He didn't see how.

_Under my skin_

_Just give me something..._

The alcohol finally started affecting him, numbing the relentless ache in his chest. He could, would, conquer this.

_Another little white lie..._

His breathing accelerated, as he cursed this song and this moment. Her voice kept haunting him, taunting him.

_I don't believe I'll be alright _

_I don't believe I'll be okay._

_I don't believe how you throw me away._

_I do believe you didn't try._

_I do blame you for every lie._

_When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine._..

He didn't need her, such desire constituted toxicity. He was a mess, and she couldn't cure him. Conversely, he was certainly too damm screwed up to do her any good. Doomed from the start, ending this now would only save them both from inevitable agony and total combustion later on.

_Under my skin_

_Just give me something to get rid of it_

_I've got a reason now to bury this alive..._

He started planning everything he needed to do before his trip. It would be wonderful. The best thing for him. Even for her.

_Another little white lie..._

The final chorus coincided with the end of his ruminations; insight not being his usual forte, he could not sustain it.

_Oh, my permission to sin._

_You might have started my reckoning._

_I've got a reason now to bury this alive!_

He was over Jude, absolutely. He had even told someone that; verbalizing those words rendered them true. Whatever he felt for her was over. Completely dead.

_Another little white lie._


End file.
